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Aliya

My grandmother had dementia and with it came good days and bad days. Some days, I hesitated to pick up and the phone and call her out of fear of what she would say or if she would even remember me. On other days, she was the grandma I loved growing up- funny and feisty.
As she aged, her smile faded and she began to look off into the distance like she was in some faraway land. She lost interest in things and was a different woman. I hesitated to take gifts of money from her when I went to see her because the next day she would call my dad and claim the caregivers had stolen her money. The day it really hit me was my wedding day. We had done everything to ensure she was ready for my big day from getting her an outfit to ensuring the halls were on the main floor for easy access. It turns out my wedding day was one of her bad days. She refused to come. It was heartbreaking.
She passed away two months later and a part of me was relieved for her. Knowing how strong she was, she would never have wanted people to see her in this state. What I don’t understand is why with all of the different medications she had to take on a daily basis, there was nothing that could help her to have more good days than bad.
Tobie

My mother used to be very social. She always cooked and her home was open for anyone to visit at any time. Today, she sits at a family dinner in silence wrapped up in her own little world and has no friends. At the age of 80, my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, the most common form of dementia. She started forgetting things like taking her medication. She would take money out from bank and forget where she put it. I no longer felt comfortable with her living at home alone. My life was turned upside down. My once independent mother could no longer drive and was now dependent on ME to keep track of appointments and to get her there and back. What was more stressful was watching her change. I would often drop her off and start crying. I could cry every day but I try not to.

I joined a support group at Baycrest. It was an opportunity to hear from others in a similar situation and learn from their experience. We did a lot of talking and it really helped. It changed my life. I learned that I was not alone and got stronger as it went along. Life really improved for me when I hired a live-in caregiver for my mother. It was the best thing that ever happened to us. I got my life back. I started to work more and to exercise. I took guitar lessons and took advantage of opportunities to talk about it and take care of myself. I make it a point of giving the caregiver a break and take my mom out for dinner every so often.
My mother’s situation has not improved but I’m learning to cope. My days are now a bit brighter despite living in the shadows of Alzheimer’s.
Wendy

I am interested in what is the best support to give someone who is taking care of a loved one with Alzheimer’s or dementia? How can I be a good friend, what do they need most?
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http://lifebookltd.com Roy

I cant see the question or comment here but i swear by them for sport and wont play without it. I have also given them to my in laws who are in their 80′s are wearing them all the time. let me know if there is a specific request.
Dean

My mother was diagnosed with dementia a year and a half ago. We knew something was wrong about four years ago. She was driving to a doctor’s appointment and called me a few hours later to say she couldn’t get there. She had driven there many times before but this time she got lost. Eventually, with the help of her doctor, we convinced her to quit driving.
Because they told her it was just dementia and not Alzheimer’s I thought that it might be better. Now we’re at a point where she has good days and bad days and paranoia. She would claim everything from having a squirrel in her closet to men at the door in the middle of the night. She once called the police at 3am because she claimed her daughter had been abducted. The police called called us and said she shouldn’t be living on her own.
She had lived on her own out of town for about 40 years and was quite happy and vibrant but after a few scares, we decided it would be best to sell her house and move her to a condo closer to us. In retrospect it was a bad idea to move her away from friends and activities but on the other hand we could not risk leaving here there all alone.
I have gained some support from participating in the Caring for a Loved One session at Baycrest and realise it’s the disease I’m mad at, not my mom but at this point I don’t know what to do. The doctors keep saying we can try her on this or that. I just keep thinking my mom isn’t the first with dementia so why can’t someone help? Can’t someone give her something that works? I’m so frustrated.
Kim

Does anyone have any suggestions on good facilities for ACTIVE and independent retirement living. We are really looking for a retirement home for very young-in-spirit and ability couple. We are also looking for GPs willing to take on seniors.
Tina

I am worried about my mother and memory loss. She is only 55 but I feel there are signs. She does word puzzles to excercise her brain. What elase can she do to delay further symptoms?
http://lifebookltd.com Roy

Tina,
May i firstly declare an interest as i started LifeBook ltd as a business after problems with my father and had a 3rd party ‘interview’ him regularly to get him to a) tell his story, but b) and more importantly make him search his memory for stories and events. This helped and more importantly, as can be seen from our website seems to be helping others. I declare an interest as this is my business and i was in two minds whether to say anything but felt it best you know about it. We were at the recent SAM conference with the Women of Baycrest and we are donating $1000 to their foundation for any LifeBook’s commissioned through them before the end of the year.
You can see the link on their website and there is also some information on our website which you may find useful
Roy
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My mother used to be very social. She always cooked and her home was open for anyone to visit at any time. Today, she sits at a family dinner in silence wrapped up in her own little world and has no friends. At the age of 80, my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, the most common form of dementia. She started forgetting things like taking her medication. She would take money out from bank and forget where she put it. I no longer felt comfortable with her living at home alone. My life was turned upside down. My once independent mother could no longer drive and was now dependent on ME to keep track of appointments and to get her there and back.
Anonymous

I will be out of the office until Tuesday January 10 and will have limited access to email but I will be sure to get back to you upon my return. For immediate assistance please contact Natalia Marchenko at nmarchenko@baycrest.org or at 416-785-2500 ext 2015. Happy holidays to you and your family, Margi
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