Author Archives: Margi Oksner

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions!

Posted on by Margi Oksner

I’m on the horns of a dilemma.  I’m revved up and raring to go to Sex, Aging and Memory, Canada’s first women’s brain health conference being held on October 18, 2011 at the Allstream Centre in Toronto.  I’ve got my registration form in front of me and all I have to do is choose two out of eleven great breakout sessions.

And that’s where I need some help – the choices are amazing.

Yesterday I spent three hours with my mother – stressful is an understatement.  I worried about her physical frailty as we walked from my car to the house; I worried about her mental frailty when I answered the same question for the 100th time; I  worried about her nutritional health when she was confused about what she was eating; and worst of all, I worried about her emotional well being because maybe she could sense that I couldn’t wait to take her home. 

With all that said, here’s the dilemma.  Should I take advantage of Tiffany Chow’s session on Stress and the Caregiver?

But, then I think, maybe I would be better off going to take part in Norman Farb’s session on the Mindful Brain to learn some meditation techniques and how mindfulness can be a good tool for me as a caregiver.

Or, should this not be so much about my dealings with my mother and more about what I can do for me now so that I might stave off
dementia as I age?

Maybe you can help me?  Check out the roster of great speakers and give me your opinion on what you think are the sessions I should attend. 
You can find the list at www.womenofbaycrest.com/brainhealth.

I need all the help I can get!

Margi Oksner

 

Lunch with Frida

Posted on by Margi Oksner

On Sunday, we took mom on an outing.  I have a friend who refers to it as the weekly airing out of the old.  She may be right.

Lunch with mom is a very different affair than it was even a year ago.  It’s no longer the three of us, Frida, my sister Fran and me – now it includes my mother’s constant companion – her caregiver – our godsend.

In the old days, lunch with Frida, was fun.  Frida was a notorious gossip.  She had a story to tell about every single person in her condo community and she was not particularly kind. Making eye contact at lunch was really difficult because Frida’s laser gaze was focused on the door to see who was coming into the restaurant that she might know.  Now, lunch with Frida is work, very hard work.

Fran and I are like a comedy routine – I’m sure other children of a parent with dementia have experienced this – the constant stream of chatter and retelling of funny stories and inane details directed more at the caregiver to amuse and entertain, because silence is the enemy and mom is not following the conversation.  By the time lunch is over, I’m exhausted, as though I’ve run a marathon – and it’s only been 45 minutes of keeping up the prattle and I’m in a sweat.

In the old days when we dropped mom after lunch, we would immediately call each other in our separate cars – to marvel at her comments, her attitudes, her perceptions, her criticism. We were not particularly kind (it’s genetics). We still make the call as soon as she’s out of the car, but now we use our drive home to assure each other that she is well cared for, that she loved being out at one of her favourite restaurants, that we are so lucky that she is physically well – we are very kind.

Margi Oksner

Having a great time! Wish you were here.

Posted on by Margi Oksner

Did you miss me?  I’ve been AWOL from my blog.  I could tell you that I was off on some exotic extended vacation – but truth be told – my crazy life just got in the way.

I have so much I want to share with you, the most important is SAM: Sex, Aging and Memory – Canada’s first women’s brain health conference.  SAM is growing in leaps and bounds.  SAM is right up there for excitement next to the birth of my own children.

Here’s the latest you need to know about SAM

  •  www.womenofbaycrest.com/brainhealth for details and registration.
  • The roster of speakers and breakout sessions is amazing.
  • The list of Honorary Chairs – women we all admire and revere – who want to be associated with SAM is growing daily (check out the list under the Committee Tab of the website).
  • Breakfast and Lunch – will be brain-healthy selections from our soon to be released cookbook – Mindfull.

I’m pumped.  October 18 is just around the corner so I’m already on the hunt for comfortable yet fabulous shoes for a day that will start early, end late and stimulate my mind at the Allstream Centre at Exhibition Place in Toronto (yes, even the old Automotive Building can get a face lift that’s too gorgeous for words).

I will keep you up to date on all the developments – and there will be many to share.

 Margi Oksner